I sat at the kitchen counter eating a huge helping of pounded yam with edika ikong (sp) soup while watching my mother busy at the kitchen sink, sighing, huffing and puffing. I probably shouldn’t have taken all this food, seeing as I am on a no carbs diet, but mama’s food is always irresistible even after all these years. If I didn’t know better, I would swear that she puts something inside.

“Mama, what is the matter? You seem troubled”

I dutifully ask after she emits a loud sigh for the one hundredth time. I know what is wrong with her. It’s the same thing that’s wrong with her every Sunday when I visit.

Uddy dear, it’s your situation that’s troubling me

“My situation? And what situation would that be” I say with my mouth full of bush meat, trying hard to sound as worried as she was. It was kind of difficult to feign interest in a conversation I’ve had a hundred times before.
“This un-married situation Uddy. I don’t know why it isn’t bothering you. You’re getting older every day, you have a good job that pays well, you’re educated, you dress and speak well, so why are you still single?”
“I wish I knew the answer to that one” I mutter with my mouth full of tripe.

 
“I told you that getting a house of your own was a bad idea. As well as that monstrosity you call a car! Didn’t I say that these things will scare men off? Every man wants to feel like the provider and you just make it so obvious that you don’t need to be provided for.”
“Mama, are you saying that I should stop being so successful? Should I down play what God has given me just so I can snag a man? That sounds like ingratitude to me” I half heartedly reply just so it doesn’t seem like she’s talking to herself.
“No, no Uddy, that’s not what I mean. It’s just that I’m so worried that you won’t meet the right man on time and give me grand babies before I depart from this earth”.
“Mama, if he is the right man for me, he will not be intimidated by my success. As my pastor said in church just this morning, he said “don’t worry about your partner, he or she will meet you where you are”.
“AMEN!!” she shouts in response.

 
“So don’t worry about me mama, I’m a big girl, I will handle this ‘situation’ just fine” I say with my fingers tightly crossed. “And besides you already have three grand babies, those should tide you over before I give you mine.”
“And when will…”
“Oh look at the time, I have to run mama, I have an important meeting tomorrow and I need to go prepare” I cut her off, knowing full well that if she starts with the issue of grand babies, I will be there all night! “I’ll see you same time next week mama. Thanks for lunch! I love you”

 
I grab my bag and keys and run out of her house, glad I was able to escape. Well at least till next week Sunday. Maybe then I’ll play the ‘How do you think I feel’ emotional blackmailing card. It usually gets me off the hook fast. Or maybe I’ll just run into my Prince Charming on Monday, get engaged on Wednesday and married on Saturday, so by Sunday mama won’t have anything to complain about. *sigh* A girl can only dream…

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