It is never a sweet experience when break ups occur, break ups are always very rough, really it is sad to see a relationship that once seemed like the best suddenly come to an end. Break ups are usually very hard to deal with especially when initiated by your partner (I really don’t know if it hits the initiator as bad as it hits the jilted partner though) ,it maybe sudden or you sort of knew it will come to that, either ways, it hurts real bad. Trust me I know that feeling; when you feel the person you are with is the person you will spend the rest of your existence with and suddenly everything you built comes crashing or crashed, it hits real hard! Break ups could hit so hard that some people vow not to love again. *smile*
Both for girls and boys, it is pretty hard, it definitely looks like you have lost everything; you are thinking “where do I start from?” it looks like the world is on your head, it looks like worst has happened to you; don’t worry things will fall into place soon, he or she is “Ex” and you will get over him or her soon. So let’s go!
Getting over your EX; what do you do?
1.The pain will come; deal with it:
It’s bound for pain to come; you will definitely feel bad, terrible and sad, and you sometimes feel like screaming or crying, really it is totally your right, feel free to do so, it doesn’t mean you are weak, NO! you have just lost something so dear, something that probably MEANT the world to you, so feel free to cry and yell, mourn your late relationship, think of the times you spent together and cry more but not excessively, play the saddest love songs you know. Trust me, holding these bitter feelings up in your heart will kill you fast. But note please, do all the yelling and crying behind closed-doors or go where no one will see you. (Maybe I should have mentioned that first). You want to show the whole world that you are morning? No! not a good idea, you will be getting so many ‘sorries’ and ‘eyahs’ plus you will have so many questions to answer. ( Well I don’t mean stay away from people, but you get my point don’t you? Plus this is not an avenue to become a drunk or drug addict, they don’t help) but try to cope with the pain appropriately.
2. Hate is bound:
It is very possible to have some amount of hate towards the other person after break ups especially if you were jilted. They hurt you didn’t they? So no one expects you to feel so good towards them just immediately. But easy! Please keep your hate in prints or papers, no actions involved. You can get your journal and fill the pages with insults for your ex. No direct Facebook posts, blog, tweets or BlackBerry Messenger status. (And am not saying hate for life)
3. Done hating? Don’t regret:
Now you are a bit calm, just because it did not work out does not call for regrets, relationSHIPS may capsize, it is necessary to learn from what made the ship capsize so you avoid it in the next relationSHIP you get into; definitely you will get into another ship, the journey must continue. No relationship is a waste if you learnt something from it. It is just a necessary phase.
4.Write down your feelings.
Here you don’t necessarily have to be a good poet or writer, get your journal or writing pad and just keep writing what comes to your mind about how you feel (it is not for sale or an assignment, so it doesn’t have to be perfect). Now don’t try editing yourself or think there is something you shouldn’t have written, no! you have to be truthful, then you will find so many things you probably missed knowing during the just ended journey.
5.Dealing with pain and hate is over; move on!
People say “when two ex lovers can remain friends, it is either they are still in love, or they were never in love”. Well that is perhaps 45% true but at least there are some atoms of truth in it. I won’t say you both can’t be friends, but for the time being, STAY OFF! Keep your space for a while (not necessarily a permanent measure but a reasonable duration) at least till you are sure you can relate with them normally with no ulterior motive(s). And just before you ask, wanting to sleep or make out with the ex is an ulterior motive yes! Don’t go drinking with them yet, you might just rekindle what you had, and let me ask, why let the same fire burn you twice? If your ex left you for another person and now wants to come back, then you should talk to yourself, because already he or she is making you feel like “what we return to when all goes wrong”. Hey! stop keeping her pictures around, no phone calls, no messages, no facebook messages or tweets, but don’t delete them off your facebook friend list or unfollow them on twitter, it is childish sort of, just stay off untill you feel you are ready to start relating with them on a platonic ground.
7. Talk to friends; Mingle:
Do not get me wrong! I don’t mean “run to your friends and start a talk session about what happened with you and your ex” No!
Quite alright I understand that feeling that makes you want to talk about them often, but when you want to do that, talk to your journal. Mingle and hang out, go have a drink or two with friends, honor invitations to gigs and events, all these will be fun except of course you might meet your ex.
8. Stay active and look better:
She is gone, he is gone yes! But life is here and it goes on, you don’t have to start looking all unkempt, hungry, sad, haggard, pathetic and sorry, that is a wrong idea especially if you were jilted. You need wake up and brighten up, look better than you ever looked when they were with you.
Try something new, like outdoor activities, walking out with friends, choose a sport and learn, it could be basketball, badminton, tennis, cards or board games with friends. Just don’t stay idle, because when you do, you create an avenue to swim in the bitter thoughts of your ex and break up. So find happiness in other areas of life.
9. Let go of the memories and the memory triggers:
She gave you that beautiful tumbler, he bought you that lovely night wear, those shirts are his, she left her perfume, she always plays that song, so many things could serve as memory triggers after break ups, you have built something together so there are definitely memories left behind. Put this things away, you have to. Are they very precious to you? May be that particular black pair of shoes she bought you that suits many of your pants, ok! Just put them away for the main time so they don’t keep reminding you of her. You might angrily throw those “special” shoes in fire someday, so to avoid losing this special gift, put it away in the main time, Stop playing those tracks and stop going to the places you always went together. By doing this, you are gradually moving on and forgetting your grief.
10. Let go of negative thoughts:
I thought we were done with the hating phase? So what are you still holding up? I know love didn’t work out this time, but there will be a next time “elsewhere” so keep encouraging you. It is important to know that holding on to heartaches, bitterness and hatred towards another person has no gains but losses. Move on and make a better you, if you look well into your journal, you must have written down something really special and unique about your ex or the relationship you had.
11. Try new options:
Do not get me wrong, I mean try new options I don’t mean flirt or try too hard to get on. Make new friends and don’t feel haunted by what happened with your past relationship or nurse the fear of getting heartbroken. Be free to meet people , if there are people interested in you be free to mingle, I know you would like to take things slow and am not saying rush, but realize that some of these people you meet might just be the best people to help forget your grief totally.
Well, those are my eleven (11) steps to moving on if peradventure there is a break up.
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